I feel obliged to apprise you all of one of the worst dates that I have ever experienced from online dating, as this story is truly second-to-none, my friends! I have been online dating for about a year and a half now, and if you read any of my prior posts on the subject, it has certainly had its merits. However, I was on a fabulous date last night, one that also emanated from an online dating website, and we started sharing our date from hell stories with one another. I never thought my date from hell story would be the cake topper, but as it turns it, such was the case. Now I feel that I should share this hilarious, yet sad event with you all—so that you can giggle a little bit, and realize that there are, indeed, some ups and downs from dating online.
So I meet this gal—whose name I will not mention for privacy sake—at a very well known online dating site (which I will also refrain from mentioning for obvious reasons), and everything seems kosher at first. So what follows is how our date went down. I have listed it in the order that it transpired.
The Date From Hell!
- We meet at Olive Garden for dinner and drinks—she shows up nearly forty minutes late.
- I know upon seeing her that she lied on her profile, and used ten year old photos, as she has aged considerable.
- She has this gnarly, yenta accent that reminds me of my mom; I felt like I was going on a date with my mom to be honest. (I love you mom!)
- From the moment we are seated, nothing is right. She complains about everything. She also tells me never to talk about my ex, or religion or politics, and then proceeds to do so herself, boring me to tears.
- The drinks keep getting ordered, by her (I just had a beer), and by the time we are an hour in, she has rung up a $100 bar tab on vodka mixers with Grey Goose; go figure.
- By the time dinner is over (thank goodness for that), she has informed me that her age is wrong, and that she is not really 32. Nor is she 35. Not even 38. She is 42! I am 29, big no-no!
- I decided to pay the bill and stomach it just to get this thing over with. She is very intoxicated and I offer to drive her home or call her a cab. To which she adamantly refuses.
- After trying my best, I decided that I can’t help her any longer, and I really want to get the hell out of there. And away from her!
- So we call it a night and I get in my car to drive home, entirely disturbed by the events that just took place.
- As we are leaving—and here is the kicker—she pulls out before me, cutting me off nonetheless and nearly hitting my car. A cop sees all of this and lights her up. She is cuffed and stuffed for a DUI, which she deserved. I head home and shake off the memories of the worst date I ever have been on!